~*~ ALL THINGS MAGICKAL ~*~
My spirituality page.

Welcome to my page about Zen & Wicca.  There are a number of misconceptions about both so I would like to try and clear some of those up, as well as describe my beliefs and provide some good resources.  I am not out to "convert" anyone to my beliefs, but I figure that by sharing them, perhaps there will be a few less assumptions about two generally misunderstood spiritual systems. 

First, I'd like to share my story, so you can see where I'm coming from.  I was raised Catholic (my parents are from Italian & Irish backgrounds, so go figure!), but I remember sitting in church at age 5, thinking "this isn't for me!"  I spent my recesses in elementary school writing my own spells, reading anything about Witchcraft and magick that I could find, and collecting magickal amulets.  I found the most amazing things...our playground was made up of little rocks so it was nearly impossible to see anything on the ground, but within a week I found a pair of turquoise earrings (one on one side of the playground, the other somewhere else!), and later a piece of polished rose quartz, all kinds of foreign coins and other stones.  We have horrible wind here and many of the spells I said were to quiet or stop it from blowing.  They actually worked.  I remember knowing that I had something "extra" that my friends hadn't ever mentioned.  Every book I read seemed to be about ESP, magick, witches...I copied every spell and incantation from every book I read and tried them all out.  Of course, none of them worked except the ones I made up.  This all continued until I got to be old enough to go to junior high school (7th grade).  At that point, I figured I had to give up all of my "childhood habits" and grow up.  I denied every instinct and belief I had, and that was the biggest mistake I think I've ever made in my life.  It took me 9 more years to come back "home" and discover that there was a name for what I believed in, and that others believed it as well.  When I was 13, I told my parents that I wasn't Catholic and didn't want to go to church any more.  They had a FIT...I practically ruined their lives right then.  They told me that they were failures as parents, what had gone wrong...they thought they had done everything right.  The funny thing is, they weren't extremely religious before I said that.  Our church was pretty laid back and  I so strongly disagreed with what I had been taught in church that I assumed I was an atheist.  I read many books on religion (especially Islam, because of my interest in Malcolm X) but I detached myself from all of it and assumed that I would be without any kind of spirituality in my life forever.  When I worked at the local public library, around 1993, I was checking in books when I suddenly stopped and looked at the book in my hand.  It was Buckland's Complete Book of Witchcraft, and I checked it out and brought it home that night.  I only read the first part, the introduction, but that was enough to know that I had found what I hadn't known I was looking for.  The funny thing is, I didn't even like that book!  It was just my introduction to Wicca, and it prompted me to look into that subject further.  I had to get over a few preconceptions myself, when I first started reading about it.  I had been raised to believe that Witchcraft=Satanism, and I got really nervous that I was getting into something "bad" at first.  After I got over my paranoia, I realised that all of the previous assumptions I'd made were unfounded.  The first book I bought was Laurie Cabot's Power of the Witch, and I was with my parents at the time so it was quite a trick to browse the "metaphysical" section without them noticing.  Shortly after that, I bought a pentacle necklace and they did ask if I was "getting into Satanism" but I just said no, described the meaning of it, and left it at that.  They don't know my beliefs to this day and I doubt they ever will.  I just don't think they would ever understand and it's not worth getting them very upset over.  I took out an ad in the magazine Sage Woman, looking for Wiccan pen pals because I didn't know anyone in my area who studied Witchcraft.  By doing that I learned a lot, made some lifelong friends, and created a support group that really helped me.  I did get a PO box first (and that is VERY important--you don't want to publish your home address in any magazine!), and I got some scary and/or harassing letters, but the good response far outweighed the bad.  I had promised myself that I would answer every letter (besides the obviously scary ones) and I did that as well.  You have to be prepared for the response you'll get when you put a request out to the Universe like that, and you have to take whatever comes your way.

One of the challenges I had was that I had been studying Zen Buddhism before I discovered Wicca.  I had a big inner debate about giving one of them up to pursue the other but after a struggle I came to the conclusion that they could function together!  I'd never heard of anybody following both spiritual paths so I was pretty unsure, but I was lead by my heart and decided it could be done.  I put another ad in a Pagan magazine looking for pen pals who also followed both paths, and I had a few responses.  I don't still write any of those people but they gave me hope knowing that there were others and I wasn't crazy.  This is how I came to call myself a "Zen Witch", and I've never regretted any of it.  I feel that they are kind of polar opposites, but that might also be how the two work so well together.  They really create a balance that I don't feel any other spiritual path would've, at least in my case.